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by Tyrone, staff writer
7/19/08
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| DP Columns / Tyrone Jones |
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THUMBS
BE UP |
THUMBS
BE DOWN |
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Old Spice
Nobody I know except fo' muh ma fuckin great aunt'sbig poppa wears  dis here crap but I will give dem props fo' they new ad campaigns. The one print ad dat makes me laugh features Neil Patrick Harris dressed up as Doogie Howser. And who can forget da ads dey did wiff Bruce Campbell including dis here one. God knows dat I will never gank dat crap nor will dat sour smelling fragrance ever whack muh ma fuckin skin, I appreciate da effort by da company ta update its image and/or amuse us. |
PETA
When dis here rogue organization needs publicity,  dey jet afta uh celeb, usually one dat iz an easy target. This tyme dey gots targeted Jessica Simpson fo' wearing uh t-shirt dat read, 'Real Women Eat Meat'. You would th'o't dat it wuz uh racist comment or sumfin vulgar. Why don' dey say sumfin about 50 Cent, I'm sure he eats his fair share o' steak. They jet celebs like him alone though cuz dey will git they ass show. Instead dey coninue ta pick sitting ducks like Jess. They iz an animal rights group but dey iz trying ta take away her RIGHT ta free speech.
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Heath Ledger
I seen da midnight showing o' The Dark Knight an' I be positive dat it will go down as da greatest comic book movie o' all tyme. Ledger as da Joker  jacked da show. I'm not going ta spoil anyfin' fo' ya but let me say dat muh ma fuckin jaw dropped about 20 times, I said wow 17 times an' even though da film iz two an' uh half hours, it seems shorter, like maybe two hours an' tweny minutes. Sadly, we's will never git ta see The Joker ag'in in deez new Batman flicks. It just seems unfathomable dat dis here flick could be topped by future sequels. They may wants ta end it on dis here high note. you know das right!
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Visa
So I'm watching TV an' I see dis here commercial fo' dis here credit card company an' dey iz jivin' about da olympics, then at da end dey say, GO WORLD. WHAT? How about 'Go fo'  da gold USA, GO AMERICA!, GOOD LUCK TO OUR TEAMS'. Not dis here jet world sheeit. We iz da ones paying outrageous finance charges. We iz da ones getting in debt ta da CC companies at uh record pace. They iz da ones targeting young peeps who need da money an' then git trapped in debt fo' years. These iz da companies who jet ta sporting events an' lure peeps by offereing free gifts ta sign up. They need ta show support fo' da United States o' America, both vocally an' financially. F da world. just like mammy.
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Verne Troyer
Lukily mini-me won uh lawsuit ta stop da release o' uh sex tape.  hahahah Thank ya God. Nobody wants ta see dat little dude git it on. And his co-star Ranae Shrider, I don' wants ta see her either. I woudn't even do her if we's wuz on uh deserted island an' I had uh woody fo' three days. What possesed dis here couple ta turn on da camera an' tape themselves? My advice ta Verne would be ta keep da camera(s) out o' da bedroom in da future. He will either end up getting blackmailed or end up grossing out millions o' peeps on da Internet. And don' say I didn't warn him. |
Britney Spears
This iz rock bottom fo' her. I used ta feel really bad fo' her but now  dat she cannot even take care o' her kids, it'styme she git he`p or someone git her he`p. Why ain't her family stepping in an' doin' sumfin? Why can't she take care o' her kids? She don' gots uh job. She has mo' money than she knows what ta do wiff. How do uh biotch in dis here position lose her kids? And ta lose dem ta K-Fed? That'seven worse. This may be da final chapter in da life o' Britney. I hope not but unless she needs he`p, I fear dat she may do sumfin ta herself much worse than just shaving her head bald.
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